When we think of divorce, we mostly think of drama, stress, resentment, and unimaginable pain. That’s totally understandable.
They say the person you marry isn’t usually the person you divorce, but times have changed. Today, divorce doesn’t necessarily need to be ugly. It can be finalized without the need for a courtroom showdown.
Mediation and collaborative divorce are the answers here. Read on to learn more.
Mediation is when a neutral third party helps divorcing couples negotiate the terms of their separation. It’s an informal, yet structured process, where you and your spouse meet with the mediator to discuss key issues like:
The goal here is to reach a mutual settlement without taking the matter to court. The process begins with the mediator laying out the ground rules and expectations. Then, during a series of sessions, both parties work through the issues. Throughout these sessions, the mediator initiates discussions and helps both parties find common ground.
Mediation is mostly preferred due to its cost-effectiveness. That’s because it avoids the formalities of a courtroom. In addition, the divorce process is usually finalized much faster when it goes through mediation. And the faster it’s done, the sooner both parties can move on with their lives.
It’s important to note that the chances of cooperative co-parenting are much higher when mediation is involved. This can be particularly important in prioritizing children’s interests.
Collaborative divorce involves more than just a mediator. It’s more of a team-based approach.
It involves you, your spouse, attorneys from both sides, financial advisors, and mental health professionals.
In a collaborative divorce, both parties agree, usually in writing, to work together in good faith to reach a settlement without going to court. This type of divorce is usually more involved than mediation because it’s about creating customized solutions for the family. It addresses both the legal aspects of divorce, including both financial and emotional considerations.
Like mediation, collaborative divorce doesn’t require the court’s involvement. But what makes it particularly unique is that it brings more specialized support. Each professional on the team has a specific role to play. Attorneys, for instance, handle the legalities of the process. Financial advisors, similarly, help divide assets and address any tax concerns. Mental health professionals may be there to facilitate communication and support the emotional well-being of both spouses.
This process can be particularly beneficial when there are complex issues like a family business or large asset division to address. That’s because it provides more comprehensive support. Most importantly, it preserves respectful relationships which is particularly important for co-parenting and moving forward amicably.
Both types of divorce have their unique benefits. However, for the best possible results, you should pick one that really suits your current situation.
To understand what suits you and what doesn’t, let’s look at the key differences between these two types of divorce.
Mediation | Collaborative Divorce |
Parties Involved: You, the individual you want to divorce, and a mediator. | Parties Involved: You, the individual you want to divorce, and a team of specialized professionals — attorneys, financial advisors, and mental health counselors, among others. |
Best Suited For: Simple cases | Best Suited For: More complex cases that include financial or custody issues |
Communication Style: Good, casual | Communication Style: Tough, specialized |
Cost and Time Commitment: Typically faster and more affordable | Cost and Time Commitment: Can be drawn out and more financially draining |
Now that you understand what sets these two apart, you should have an idea of what might work for you based on your unique situation. However, you shouldn’t be in a rush to commit to a specific type of divorce. You still need to evaluate other factors as discussed below.
Before you make a decision, consider these tips to figure out what’s the best course of action for you:
Analyze the level of trust between you and your spouse. How well do you communicate with each other?
Do you share financial assets? If so, are you fighting over who owns what?
Do you have kids? If so, is there a custodial dispute?
The answers to these questions will help you decide the best direction to take.
When you’re ready to move forward, start researching qualified professionals. You’ll need them whether you opt for mediation or collaboration. Look for mediators or collaborative divorce practitioners with experience in handling such cases. For example, if you’re dealing with complex financial issues, you need a professional with experience working on high-asset divorces.
You’ll also need proper documentation. These include the necessary financial records, such as income, assets, debts, and expenses. If you have children, it’s also a good idea to develop a preliminary parenting plan.
You should decide what you want in the divorce settlement and what areas you’re willing to compromise on. This will give you a clear direction for the process.
Mediation and collaborative divorce are known for their many benefits, but they do have certain challenges. Let’s take a look.
No matter how peaceful the divorce process is, feelings of anger, sadness, and betrayal can be difficult to overcome. That’s where a mental health professional or communication coach can help facilitate better conversations.
These are more common in cases where one spouse wants to dominate the conversation. A trained mediator can step in to make sure that both parties have an equal opportunity to voice their concerns.
Discussions can become too heated or unproductive. That’s not the right environment for striking a deal. Again, bringing in a neutral third party, like a communication coach or therapist, can help improve dialogue between both parties.
Don’t agree to anything without first understanding its legal and financial implications.
These two types of divorce may be less formal than court proceedings, but can also be a disadvantage. The last thing you want is to find yourself in a he-said-she-said kind of situation months after the divorce is over. You need a lasting solution, not one that freezes the problem and then thaws it further down the road. For starters, any agreements you reach must comply with state laws. That’s where consulting a divorce attorney before signing the dotted lines comes in handy. The attorney can review the settlement to make sure it meets legal requirements and protects your best interests. The division of marital assets and debts should be done fairly. To make sure your interests are not thrown out of the window, always hire a professional to represent you.
In short, there’s no doubt that mediation and collaborative divorce may save you time and stress. But you need professional guidance to make sure that the outcome is fair and legally sound.
In this section, we’ll review two case studies where mediation and collaborative divorce came into play.
Case Study 1: The story of Kristin and Rob McCollum is one of the best examples of collaborative divorce. They were able to maintain a good relationship with each other by avoiding the legal battles that come with traditional, court-based divorce. Narrating their story in Texas-based D Magazine, the writer, Dave Moore, paints a picture of a duo with a strong bond long after their divorce.
Case Study 2: One divorce that was on everyone’s lips was that of celebrated Hollywood actress, Jennifer Garner, and her ex-husband, actor Ben Affleck. After a decade of marriage, the two decided to call it quits. And they did that through mediation.
The mediator was able to help the couple negotiate a financial settlement. Even better, the process prioritized the interests of the couple’s three children without the courtroom drama that’s usually common in most Hollywood divorces.
Lessons Learned:
These stories show that divorce doesn’t have to be a bitter courtroom battle. Both couples chose methods that allowed them to maintain respect and cooperation, even through a difficult life transition.
Obviously, every situation is different. But the takeaway is that nine times out of ten, communication, flexibility, and a willingness to compromise leads to better outcomes.
Mediation and collaborative divorce offer alternatives that are usually quicker, more affordable, and less stressful. At the same time, they allow both parties to maintain a sense of control over the outcome.
If you’re considering divorce, take some time to explore your options. Gone are the days of lengthy and messy court battles that caused more harm to families than good. With the right professional guidance and a commitment to a peaceful resolution, you can navigate the divorce process without ever setting foot in a courtroom.